There'll be no "I'ma let you finish, but", or any of Ricky Gervais' hard-hitting antics, but the Cottagers Confidential awards will be glamorous nonetheless. You've been voting - literally a few of you - over the past week to crown some of the stars, and some of the star moments, of Fulham's 2011/12 season. And here are your results:
Player of the season, with a substantial 95% of the vote, goes to the seemingly unstoppable Clint Dempsey. With, by quite some distance, his best season in football yet, Dempsey has taken the Premier League by storm and has increased his already vast worth by claiming 23 goals in all competitions this year. Martin Jol took no shame, on many occasions, admitting that Fulham have relied on the American to provide the goals at Craven Cottage and, admittedly, without the 29 year-old, this campaign could have turned out entirely different. His goal tally is remarkable, especially considering the fact he has simultaneously been rotated between a forward role and a place on the wing. He has been hugely effective in both positions and that adaptability is something that sets him apart from the rest too. A brilliant player, by all accounts, but one we probably won't keep ahold of.
Kerim Frei, with 90% of the vote, was the Cottagers Confidential Young Player of the Year. He's had a hugely impressive campaign which started particularly early, with Fulham's participation in the Europa League. Despite being at the tender age of merely 18, Frei has shown himself to be a sturdy competitor on the football field and, most potently, he has attracted attention for his dazzling array of skills on the ball and his astute footwork. He's terrorised many a defence this season and the feeling is that he'll be doing it on plenty of occasions in the future too.
Match of the season was narrowly won by Fulham's 6-0 victory over Queens Park Rangers, after the tie brought 47% of the vote. It was an undoubtedly emphatic game, not least because it highlighted our substantial superiority over our local rivals. Aside from derby day deliriousness, it also provided our firs win of the season and finally instilled some belief into the fans as to Martin Jol's potential to succeed at Fulham. This tie will go down in the history books in SW6 and it's clear to see why.
Another landslide victory came in the Goal of the season award, with Bryan Ruiz's chip at home to Everton collecting 80% of the vote. His goal was perfect. As he collected the ball on the edge of the Everton area, he succeeded in defying logic and scooping the ball, magically, over Tim Howard. Flying through the air, albeit slowly, you just knew this was crafted through sheer brilliance and the intention was undeniably there. It was a sign of what this Costa Rican can really do when his mind is on it.
The last, and closest award, was won by John Arne Riise in the Signing of the season category. It was closely fought, though, between the Norwegian and striker, Pavel Pogrebnyak. Riise, though, has been in London for longer and his experience at left back was evidential. At times, the fans were frustrated with the former Liverpool man but his composure seemed to grow throughout the season and he has turned out to be one of the most reliable members of Jol's side. The goal he has so richly deserved hasn't come, but given another season, you'd expect at least one of his deadly pile-drivers to find the net.
And that brings our ceremony to an end. Thank you all for voting!