Match Review In Haiku: Swansea v Fulham

Michael Regan

I'm as tired of writing the same old analysis as you are of reading it. Fulham are bad and need a monster transfer window to avoid relegation. In times such as these, I can only offer haiku.

I'm exhausted of writing the same match report week after Premier League week.

Fulham show promise against the brighter lights of the Premier League and garner plaudits as admittedly milquetoast as "If they play like that against Sunderland/Palace/Cardiff/Swansea, then they'll be ok," but there's cause for optimism nonetheless. Then, against their neighbors at the wrong end of the table, miscues, tactical deficiencies, and somnolence are the orders of the day. It's a frustrating inversion of logic and it's driving me to drink.

I could copy and paste match reviews from previous weeks and be nearly bang on in an assessment of today's poor showing against Swansea City. Martin Jol could phone in to the post-match presser and give one of his patented "We won the first half," speeches and it would be not at all out of place. I could dig up statistics like this one: Fulham registered nary a shot on goal in the second half, and you'd have no idea from which match I culled said stat as it could be from nearly any of them (it was from this one).

So, in lieu of another exercise in describing defeat, I offer my thoughts in haiku because...why not?

Maarten Stekelenburg

Your distribution

Like broken arrows askew

You saved the scoreline

Sascha Riether

Red boots and red socks

Covered yourself in "OK"

What's with Zaccardo?

Brede Hangeland

Welcome back, Brede

First half could have used that goal

Your back, unlucky

Dan Burn

Defensive headers

A foil for dear Hangeland

Youth against the tide

Kieran Richardson

Still need a left back

Fleet enough of foot tonight

Don't pull a hamstring!

Ashkan Dejagah

Your width, your pace. Love.

Your hair like a sparse desert

Why were you subb'ed?

Steve Sidwell

The field to cover

First half like a postage stamp

Then? All of Asia

Scott Parker

Busy, busy bee

You know of relegation

Where are the workers?

Alexander Kacaniklic

Strive and run ahead

Berbatov berates you. Why?

That must get well old

Clint Dempsey

You have lost one step

Were that it were '12 once more

Still, not a villain

Dimitar Berbatov

Belongs in a frame

The sound of one hand clapping

Mitroglou, help!

Darren Bent

Oh, how we blame thee

Thou unfortunate scapegoat

Rene put you in

Damien Duff

Rene thought, "Why not?"

The match, like your years, was gone

Proof of lack of depth

Muamer Tankovic

You get a haiku

So as not to be left out

Relegation scrap

Rene Meulensteen, Ray Wilkins, Alan Curbishley

Three wise men, we're told

Doomed to repeat history?

Ghost of Jol tonight

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